Pooh's Intervention

Been ages. So busy.A friend, @money_alchemist wrote this, I found it funny so I decided to share. Continue after the break. Kizzez.

One day, Pooh Bear was on his way home with a brand new jar of honey. And he was just deciding whether it was a late elevenses sort of a jar, or a little something before lunch sort of a jar, when what should he find but all his friends waiting to surprise him.

POOH: Oh, hullo. You're just in time for a little smackerel of something.

RABBIT: No, Pooh. There'll be no smackerels of anything today.

PIGLET: Pooh, we want to talk to you about your destructive relationship with honey.

CHRISTOPHER ROBIN: Yes. And we've all got together to talk to you about it, because we love you. It's called a... what's it called, Owl?

OWL: An interdivention.

CHRISTOPHER ROBIN: That's right, an ind-er-biv-ention. And we're having one for you, and this is it.

POOH: Oh. Is it like a party?

OWL: It is very unlike a party, Pooh Bear. It's an opportunity for your friends to talk to you frankly about your honey abuse.

POOH: Honey abuse? Oh, no no no. I'm fond of the odd jar, but ......

RABBIT: Pooh. Last time you came to my house you gorged so much honey you became physically stuck in my doorway. For three days. I'm sorry, Pooh, but that's not controlled behaviour.

POOH: Well, you take one little incident .....

KANGA: It's not just the one incident, Pooh dear. Eeyore, d'you have something to say to Pooh?

EEYORE: Hello Pooh. Do you remember my birthday? No reason why you should of course, but if you do you might recall giving me this. What is this, Pooh?

POOH: It's a... a...  useful pot to put things in.

EEYORE: Look me in the eye and tell me that's what it is.

POOH: That is to say, I ....

KANGA: You bought him a jar of honey, didn't you? And on the short trip across the wood to his house you ate it. You ate your friend's birthday present.

POOH: Eeyore liked the pot, he said so.

EEYORE: Of course I didn't like the pot, I was horribly embarrassed for you, I was just being nice!

POOH: Piglet, you're not part of all this, surely?

PIGLET: Pooh, this is so difficult for me, but you were there for me when I was coming off the hay corns  and I need to be here for you now. Pooh, when you can't get your fix I'm scared of you! That time with the balloon.

POOH: That was just a little spot of bother.

PIGLET: Pooh! You ran out of honey, so you tied yourself to a balloon and tried to steal some from the bees! That's not a spot of bother, Pooh, that's the reckless desperation of an addict.

POOH: Come on, everybody loves my honey eating! It's endearing, it's comical.

CHRISTOPHER ROBIN: I'm sorry, Pooh, it used to be funny how a bear likes honey, but it's not funny any more.

PIGLET: Pooh, the thing is, we're only doing this because we care for you and.well - we don't want to see you go the way of Tigger.

POOH: Tigger? Oh God, am I like Tigger?

KANGA: Don't you bring Tigger into this! Tigger's just a bouncy boy who likes his strengthening medicine!

POOH: Kanga, Tigger is a psychotic tiger with a steroid addiction. And if that's how people think of me, alright, thank you friends. This afternoon, I'm throwing away my honey.

(they clap)

CHRISTOPHER ROBIN: Well done, Pooh. We're sorry to be so hard on you, but we just had to say something, didn't we, Owl?

OWL: Indeed we did, Christopher Robin. It was the heffalump in the room that no-one was talking about.